A divorce is one of the most painful experiences that one can go through. The pain that the parents would be going through trickles down to the children. This would also be amplified if the divorce is on a public platform, where every Tom, Dick and Harry have the chance to give their opinions. The children might be young and cannot understand what is happening but sometime in the future they will be able to sit and read all what was being said about their family. We have seen messy divorces locally here in Kenya and also internationally with renowned celebrities. These are ways in which one can protect their children when it comes to a public divorce:

  • Set ground rules

This should be done between the two parents who are going through the split to ensure that everything will be handled in the most mature way possible. Any posts on social media showing hatred and spite towards each other should not be tolerated as this creates fodder that outsiders and especially bloggers can pick and use to fuel the fire. This obviously works if both parties decide to be mature, because we cannot have control over what one posts on their own social media pages.

  • Involve Lawyers if you need to

In case the reasons for divorce left either parties with a bad taste in their mouths, and sitting down to have discussions is difficult, then the parties can use a mediator. A lawyer would come in handy to ensure that what needs to be discussed is done with ease and respectfully, to avoid outbursts online.

  • Communicate to your children

Instead of having your children learning about your divorce from third parties, it would be easier if they learnt about it from the two of you. The information that they read from social media or third parties would easily be skewed sowing seeds of discord in the family. They will even feel respected and more involved in the new changes occurring in their family if they are infomed in advance from a place of love.

  • Show a united public front

Instead of tearing each other down on social media and trying to turn the masses and your children against your former spouse, making a mature public statement about it and having a united front will give your children peace. The numerous tussles, the push and shove online will only destabilize your children especially if they are old enough to read what is going on in the social media world. Just imagine trending online because of the hurtful things that you have said about the mother or father of your children? This might all be in search of fame but after all the dust is settled, the hurtful feelings your children will be feeling towards you will remain etched at the back of their minds.

  • Keep it private

Do you know that you do not have to speak about it? You do not have to do a public dissection of your divorce so as to justify who did this or that. Most people only care for such details for entertainment purposes. To just make their evenings, or to simply have something to gossip about. If you really have to tell the public what happened, filter what you have to say to avoid hurting your children. They are more important to you than the masses that we all try to please.

Is there any other way that you would advise couples who have split up in a marriage? Kindly let us chat up on the comment section.

Cover image : dotcomwomen.com

Lots of Love, 

Ruguru Kimani.