Introduction

A parent reached out to me and shared what a typical morning looks like in her house. She said mornings are always busy and a bit messy. She’s helping her child find clean clothes and reminding them to wear pants. Most days, she’s signing school papers at the last minute and tossing snacks into the lunchbox in a rush. She has to clean spilled milk and break up an argument between her children. And by the time they leave the house, she’s already feeling exhausted.

Let us be honest that parenting is an exhausting work at times. Caring and upbringing of children requires time and effort and often at the expense of self-care deprivations. As a parent you might have come across the term burnout. And if you’re anything like me or her, you feel burned out a lot of the time.

Now, before we get into the serious contents of this article, did I mention to you that I already graduated from Duke!!! I am officially a Dukie!!! We will discuss this further on another post, let me know if you have further questions by leaving a comment at the end and I will be addressing everything really soon!

What Exactly is Parental Burnout (PB)?

Parental burnout happens when parents experience emotional, mental and physical exhaustion as a result of prolonged stress associated with parental responsibilities. It can also be defined as a feeling of unhappiness accompanied by

distancing from children and a feeling of not being ‘good enough’ in their role as a parent.

The syndrome received increasing attention in recent years, even more since the worldwide outbreak of COVID-19 crisis and the confinement of parents with their kids. This blog will give you as a parent workable tips for surviving PB.

Survival Tips for Parental Burnout

It’s important to know that if you are feeling overwhelmed, physically and emotionally exhausted, emotionally distanced from one’s children and have a sense of being an ineffective parent, then you’re not alone. Help is available. As a parent you don’t have to suffer in silence. As a matter of fact, getting help early will prevent parental burnout developing into depression. No matter what stage of PB you’re, these tips actually work and will help.

Prioritising Self-Care

It’s easy to believe in the narrative that we must set aside all of our needs in order to play our roles as parents. Most parents tend to think that self-care is selfish, indulgent or  even impossible. But that’s simply not true since it can turn against you.Making time for interests and hobbies outside of parenting can help you to have a proper break and recharge yourself. Self-care is very important and in fact it doesn’t have to be a big deal for it to work. Lots of research has shown that the easiest way to develop a self-care habit is to attach tiny steps to your regular schedule. What fills each of differs and what you need might change by the day. It’s personal.

Parenting Support

Connecting with other parents whether in-person or online can help in combating parental burnout. Such forums will consist of education around children development, parenting skills, “good-enough” parenting, child development and helping you understand age-appropriate expectations for your children. Such connections can help normalize and validate the challenges that come with parenting. Knowing that you aren’t alone in the struggle can be incredibly helpful.

Seeking Support

We know this one can be tricky but asking friends and family members for assistance can help. Can your partner or family members drive your child to school? Could a fellow parent step up more? Or host a playdate? Is your budget enough to allow you to pay for childcare? These small practical things can help you to get some ‘your time’ back.

Every act of seeking support contributes to your well-being and, by extension, to that of your child. We care for children by caring for ourselves as parents. And as a parent, seek support from friends and family members to take care of your well-being. To make sure you are feeling safe and to manage your own emotions in a healthy way.

Psychological Therapy

As much as self-care habits and seeking support can protect us from parental burnout and boost our well-being, sometimes that’s not enough. A therapist can help you to interrupt the burnout cycle if you feel hopeless or stuck. Therapy can help with concerns around regulating your emotions, self-esteem, perfectionistic thinking, self-compassion and regulating emotions. Therapists can also help in ruling out any other medical issues which may be contributing to feelings of exhaustion.

There can be potentially severe consequences for our children if we are constantly checked out, overwhelmed or burned out. We were designed to respond to stress, but not to remain stuck in survival overdrive. If you don’t feel whole while performing your parental duties, don’t hesitate to seek help from a therapist. We are stronger when we raise our feelings to professionals.

Final Thoughts

There’s no such thing as a perfect parent. We all struggle sometimes. There will be seasons when things feel heavier but they won’t last forever. You are still a good parent even on the days when everything feels like too much. Turn to these tips when you are feeling burned out. And if you’re parenting through burnout, please remember this: Be gentle with yourself. Take small steps. Ask for help. Your kids don’t need you to be perfect. They just need you to keep showing up. Imperfectly but with love.

Lots of love,

Dr. Ruguru Kimani.