Parents sometimes tend to fear when their kids are teenagers.They always try to control them thinking that peer pressure could ruin their lives.
Well,if you’re a parent with such fever learn a few from here;
You should know that your child isn’t a little kid anymore. They’re a teen,and you should learn their behavior changes so that you can keep up with them as you also coach them.Sometimes they will tend to be moodier or other behavior changes and they may not be able to control themselves,so as a parent you still need to be there.
The key is knowing what efforts are worth it, and which ones backfire.
Here are some guidelines;
1)Parents try to read a lot of “Parenting Books”
I believe that parenting is an inner skill that is not acquired from books,even the experts just add on what you know.
It’s not that parenting books are bad.Books become a problem when parents use them to replace their own innate skills.
Books should be used to get perspective on confusing behavior what you need to . Do not rely on books to show you how to raise your teen because sometimes the recommendations and their personal style don’t fit, parents wind up more anxious and less confident with their own .
2)Do not expect the worst
Most parents approach raising teenagers as an ordeal, believing their children willl transform into unpredictable monsters.
Instead of that jut try to focus on your child’s interests and hobbies, even if you don’t understand them. You could open a new path of communication, reconnect with the child you love, and learn something new.
Do not worry so much about minor issues.
You sometimes may not like how your teen is dressing or how she or he styles their hair and all the decisions they make.Let them make the decisions and learn from the consequences.
Most parents want their teens to grow perfectly without enduring any pain, disappointment, or failure.Protecting your child from the realities of life takes away valuable learning opportunities before they’re out on their own.Let them know you’ll be there for them when they need guidance and comfort.
3)Ignoring the Drug Issues
If you suspect your child is using alcohol or drugs, do not look the other way. Even if it reminds you of your own youth you must take action before it becomes a bigger problem.
Parents might consider teen drinking a rite of passage because they drank when they were that age but nowadays they end up being drug addicts if they are not controlled.
Watch for unexplained changes in your teen’s behavior, appearance, academic performance, and friends. If you notice any changes take them seriously and get involved.
4)Fear for Too Much, or Too Little, Discipline
It’s all about finding a balance between obedience and freedom.
If you put too much emphasis on obedience, you may be able to make your teen fall in line.Teens raised in rigid environments miss out on the chance to develop problem solving or leadership skills because you’re making the decisions for them.
Yet too little discipline doesn’t help, either. Teens need clear structure and rules to live by as they start to explore the world outside.
As their parent, it’s up to you to set your family’s core values and communicate them through your words and actions. That’s being an authoritative parent, an approach that helps children develop the skills they need to govern themselves in appropriate ways.
Keep making time for your child throughout their teen years. Even when it doesn’t show, you provide the solid ground they know they can always come home to.
5)Involve them in activities
Sometimes teenagers always try to copy what their fellows are doing or keep comparing what you as a parent is treating her or him to how other parents treat their friends.
Take them to activities to have fun and enjoy themselves as you learn their skills and talents.
Always make them comfortable to avoid too much comparison.
6) Avoid Giving Away Your Power
When a teenager is being difficult, show empathy by not over-reacting. Respond with a smile rather than a frown.
The first rule in the face of a difficult teenager is to keep yourself cool.
The less reactive you are to provocations, the more you can use your better judgment to handle the situation. When you feel upset or challenged by a teen, before you say or do something that may worsen the situation, take a deep breath and relax,it helps you regain composure and figured out a better response to the issue, so that you can reduce, instead of adding on problem.
The point is to remind yourself that many teenagers struggle within, and mindfulness of their experience can help you relate to them with more detachment and equanimity.
7)Establish Clear Boundaries
The most effective boundaries are those which are fair, reasonable, and can be applied consistently.
If you’ve been dealing with a difficult teen for some time without communicating clear boundaries, state that from this point forward things will be different, and back up your statement with actions.You can even create some home rules and ground rules and live by them.
8) Utilize Effective Communication
When you face a difficult young person, strengthen your position by utilizing assertive communication skills.
Interact and be open with them so that they can share their problems or the changes they are going through so that you can know how to advice and comfort them.
9)Give Them a Chance to Help Solve Problems
Many difficult teenagers behave as they do because they don’t believe adults really listen. When you see a teenager upset or under some distress, offer the young person the option of talking with you. Make yourself available and remind the teenager of this from time to time, but don’t insist on it.Let the young person come to you if and when he’s ready.
When you’re communicating with a teenager about her or his experience, listen without comment .After they are done explaining to you, then you can ask them whether they want to hear your comment.You can also ask them how they intend to solve the problem.
Let them be at ease when they’re disclosing to you.That way you will enjoy raising your teenager.
By Kandi Mchemi.
Cover : http://sleepeducation.org