Losing a child is painful and heart wrenching. It is one of the experiences that most parents dread. Unfortunately it often happens and in most cases, it is unexpected. The loss can be to an old parent or to one who just held their bundle of joy. Millions of parents out there undergo this, but the feeling is unique; the experience is all personal.

This is the moment when one strongly needs their friends around them the most. Slipping into depression can be quite easy at various stages of the loss. If you are out there and you know someone who has just lost a child, kindly be their shoulder to lean on- they need it. Getting in touch with God will give you peace; a peace that surpasses all human understanding. It will keep and hold you.

Do you feel the pain each time you see your child’s clothes? I totally understand how it feels. Various people will tell you that it is wise to donate them to a home. Others will even tell you that maybe you should also sell the lovely cot that you hold so dearly. Here is where I ask you to do what you want. Grieving is a personal process. Only the bereaved person would totally know what would make them feel better. Detachment is hard because it is what we at the least want to do when we want the memories to stay so close.

Do you feel sad when you see other mothers with their babies? Playing in parks or taking a stroll down the streets. The feeling is overwhelming. Do you know where your child is? He is with God, constantly watching over you, an angel so bright! You might not be with them to take care of them, but they are in very safe hands; they are with God- lacking nothing. They are not faced by the troubles of this world. They are simply happy and rejoice every single day. Don’t worry about how they sleep, for they are in God’s caring hands.

Did you lose your child in a miscarriage? Maybe people hold the false belief that life only begins after birth. I believe that it begins after conception. Most people might not understand your loss, or might simply brush it  away by telling you, ‘Don’t worry, you will get another one.’ Or even worse, ‘You are lucky you did not know them.’ This is the most painful thing you would have to come to terms with. You did not get to see their lovely face, tiny hands. You did not know who are what they might have become. You live your whole life wondering who they might have become. Again, understand that you made no mistake, you did your very best but they had to go. They are also very safe.

Do you hold feelings of self blame over your child’s death? Make peace with yourself. You were a great parent. Every single thing that you did was for their own good. Even if you forgot to fasten that seat belt, you are simply human. Things happen and they are not your fault. You were doing just fine, you took care of them very well, it was just that one time that you feel like you should blame yourself. Wherever they are, they love you.You gave them a good life here on earth, and you are worthy.

God sees through your tears and pain, He is there to comfort you, and He holds your child in His hands.

Lots of Love,

Ruguru Kimani.